Points to remember upon joining The Family

The Töad King is always right.

Fortunate coincidences are proof that the gods smile favorably on the Meädow.

We will love you because you will be one of us. You will be a beloved part of our family.

Never joke about the Meädow or the King.

The end will justify the means of all that we do.

If you think the King is seducing 14-year-old girls in the Meädow, he is in fact giving them spiritual lessons.

Any resistance to Töad indoctrination is opposition to “The Good.”

Any doubts or suspicions about the King or the Meädow come from the devil. He is trying to turn you away from the Light.

Critical thinking is encouraged, as long as it’s favorable towards the King or his teachings.

New members are expected to hand over their minds, wills, lives, and souls to the Meädow. 

Only members of the Meädow will be raised when the Rapture comes. Only the Meädow will survive Armaggedon.

Only we have the true Answer.

There is no proper or honorable way to leave the Meädow. To leave is to fall from grace, to be defeated by evil. To leave is to invite divine retribution.

Backsliders who attempt to leave the fold will be branded as traitors. Traitors will be stuck forever in Samsara. This will lead to special handling and ultimately, if the individual is not brought back to the light, the final solution.

You must abandon self, selfishness, self-seeking, self-centeredness, and ego. You must sacrifice yourself for the greater good.

Satan has corrupted your mind, so you cannot trust your thinking, and especially cannot trust any thoughts that are critical of the Töad King or his Meädow. Trust only the King, as he alone is purified of all evil.

If you feel that you are being exploited or treated unfairly, you are being selfish and will be asked to repent.

Complimentary Kool Aid brand beverages will be provided.

5 thoughts on “Points to remember upon joining The Family

  1. King Töad

    Well said, but you left out the most important rule:

    * Do not crush your beer cans, so doing makes it impossible to return them for the 5 cent beverage can deposit.

  2. Adrian Kimble

    Not bloody likely, Kurtz! Comrade Willard and I are coming up river to sort you out, counterrevolutionary ingrate. Viva Zapata, viva Chiapas, viva Toad Meadow, viva la revolution!

  3. war zone

    I nominate adrian kimble for our first official family oriented human sacrifice…if not that then possible the fall castration ceremony.


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